Sunday, January 27, 2008

Kerry’s Bad Night: The Ring part one

This is a detailed schematic of The Night of the Ring Retrieval drawn for me by Kerry over martinis after her harrowing evening spent driving through the Westgate neighborhood. Yes, that is an actual cocktail napkin. I've scanned it and now I hold it for posterity.

You see, she drove to a mall to pick up a ring that had been re-sized. No, it wasn't an engagement ring, although I still hold that's what it meant to the cop who was badly smitten with her, and who subsequently acted like such a possessive fool that he lost her. Irreparably. Despite their breakup while the ring was being re-sized, it still remained to be retireved. And the cop wanted her to have it. Although Kerry wanted him to have it, he was adamant about it and wouldn't hear of taking it back.

The gist of the story is that after quite some effort and a huge expenditure of precious charm, Kerry left the store without the ring. Fortunately though, she also left the store before she popped the arrogant, snippy sales clerk. Kerry may be lithe and willowy but I'd wager she packs a mean punch.

The diagram shows her explanation of the rather circuitous route that she had to take to get out of that neighborhood. Why? The cop lives in the same area. As does his mother. She barely escaped without some untoward confrontation with this straight arrow cop who frankly had become a bit of a low-level stalker. I kid you not.

The woman cannot catch a fucking break.

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